C.R. Wiley was abandoned when he was young. He became a ward of the state. Through a friend, he became a Christian.
Since then he has been a contractor, real estate investor, professor of philosophy, and pastor of a church in America’s Pacific Northwest. He is also a writer. His most recent work is “In the House of Tom Bombadil.”
Chris, as he is known, is also a husband, father and grandfather.
I recently read a few of his works which got me thinking. The first was a book called, The Household and the War for the Cosmos: Rediscovering a Christian Vision for the Family. The second was a short article called, “The Antifragile Pastor.” Given Chris’ various personal experiences—some of which were very challenging—combined with his interest in families and his observations about “antifragility,” I thought I would ask him to have a conversation about parenting. Thankfully, he agreed.
The Pulse Podcast is about living abundantly wholeheartedly. It includes feature topics, interviews, and weekly biblical studies. This episode is a talk with C.R. Wiley.
I’m no psychiatrist. And as with any other podcast, I only ask about a fraction of potential topics. But as a parent, pastor and all-around concerned citizen, I think that our conversation will provide you with some meaty food for thought. You might also be challenged, disturbed or inspired. But if you want to learn and grow, those can be good things, can’t they?
You can listen to the audio version of our talk here or wherever you listen to podcasts—Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, Audible or TuneIn. You can also watch it on YouTube (link below).
Beneath, you will also find the links and resources we discussed, as well as a list of more specific topics and quotes from the interview itself.
Enjoy!
Audio:
YouTube:
Topics, Quotes and Links:
- Introductions
- Why are we at a place of pervasive fragility? Has it always been that way, or has something changed?
- Different kinds of fragility
- The role of community, faith and church for well-being
- How a child’s usefulness in a household make them less fragile
- “A child who sees himself or herself as useful has a validation just through the work that is performed as opposed to whether or not it’s appreciated.”
- Changing roles for children in the household after the industrial revolution
- Personal agency: “The more competent you are in a range of matters the less fragile you are, I think, in every way.”
- The connection between competence and confidence
- Aren’t kids supposed to be super-resilient?
- “You need to have the wisdom as a parent to know when to open the window and when to close it.”
- If a parent is a good student of the children under their care then they are going to have… an ability to judge when a child is ready for this or that.”
- “The task as a parent is to raise an adult, not to raise a dependent.”
- “We have to give kids enough space in order to actually develop true competence and it’s impossible for that to happen when everything is bubble-wrapped.”
- The authoritative parent vs. the authoritarian parent: “The authoritative parent is the parent who has an objective of raising an adult, and the authoritarian parent is just the compliance parent—‘Do what I say.’ Sometimes the overly-protective parent is somewhat like the authoritarian parent.”
- “the constitution of your soul will be reflected in the constitution of your house”
- Joviality as a positive trait for fathers: “Through his joviality he communicates his approval of those who are around him—his love for them, his desire for their good.”
- “How we order ourselves makes a huge difference in how well our households are ordered, and how fruitful and happy they tend to be.”
- You want your children to attempt difficult things
- Encourage the quest for mastery
- “I think it’s very telling that Silicon Valley parents don’t let their kids spend much time online.”
- Tech-temptation and unhappiness with young men and women: For young men (pornography and video games taking over your life). For young women (social pressure, expectation and comparison).
- “The ultimate objective [as it relates to technology] is to develop the inner faculties… and encourage the development of their own character and resources… They’re going to have to make their own judgment calls.”
Links
- C.R. Wiley’s website: crwiley.com
- Book: The Household and the War for the Cosmos: Recovering a Christian Vision for the Family (2019)
- Book: In the House of Tom Bombadil (2021)
- Podcast: The Theology Pugcast (find on iTunes, Spotify, or Google Podcasts)
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Thoughts?