These days men are commonly caricatured as bumbling idiots, overgrown children, or evil oppressors. These deceptions can seep into our minds and influence who we think we are as men of faith, husbands, and fathers.
So in an effort to (calmly) rage against the machine, here are three prayers for those who would rather live with honour.
We march forward with Paul’s words close at hand. Yes, he was writing to the Corinthians generally speaking, but they set our compass in a helpful direction: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14).
Prayer 1 – “Lord, make me a godly man”
We live in a world where men, generally speaking, are devalued or made fun of. Just watch any sitcom. I don’t follow Bill Maher, and from what I’ve seen I’m not sure how much common ground we would have. But I recently saw one of his videos where he made the case that in our culture dads (and, he implies, husbands) are punching bags who are frequently depicted as clueless and useless—basically “another child that mom has to look after.” His language was a bit more colourful than that, but you get the point.
He’s not wrong.
With some exceptions, in addition to men being depicted as self-absorbed idiots, they are seen as natural oppressors. Maybe that’s why so many people and forces are trying to undermine them. They are treated with suspicion if they exert any kind of confident leadership.
This also comes at a time when there is widespread confusion about gender roles. This simply adds to the problem. The idea of a strong man in our popular culture—let alone a godly one—is undermined at almost every turn.
In the Bible, however, married men are supposed to be godly. They will honour God first and follow his commands. This means that they are striving to be more like Christ.
On this point I should note that all Christians are supposed to be striving for that same thing, not just husbands and dads. However, in Ephesians 5:25-33 there is a particular focus for men who are married: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” A godly man is to love his wife just as Jesus loved the church and gave himself up for her. This kind of self-sacrificial love and leadership simply cannot happen unless the husband is growing in godliness.
Sports and entertainment are fun, but they are way down the list. So is a husband’s wardrobe, how big his paycheck is, and whether or not he has a “man cave.” If we are not growing in godliness, none of those other things matter.
It may be hard to imagine, but married Christian men should be moving in a direction that makes them closer to God than to their wives. If men are trying to please their wives more than God (assuming that their wives are not seeking godly things), they will end up failing in at least two significant ways: first, at truly loving and leading their wives as the Bible calls them to do, and second, putting God first.
Prayer 2 – “Lord, give me eyes and a heart for my wife alone”
We live in a world of non-stop sexual temptation. Pornography is abundant, easily-accessibly and free. It’s also highly addictive. TV shows are increasingly sensual. Our culture is wildly profane. It also endorses a relaxed sexual ethic. Perhaps “ethic” isn’t the best word to use since it implies some sort of standard—which it doesn’t have.
The married Christian man needs to wage war on all of this. He needs to do everything in his power to turn his eyes away from every image, video, advertisement, or show that leads him toward sexual temptation by a single inch. If necessary, don’t use your phone at night, watch a different program, listen to different music, whatever it takes. David’s words in Psalm 101:3 are instructive: “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless.”
In today’s world, it is basically impossible not to experience some measure of sexual temptation. However, there is a difference between encountering a temptation and indulging it. Martin Luther said that evil thoughts come over our hearts like birds flying over our heads. We cannot help that. However, if we allow those birds to build nests on our heads, then we are responsible for them.[i] The same is true for sinful thoughts. We may encounter temptations, but let’s not indulge them.
This isn’t just about cheating and adultery. Those “big” sins trace back further to a series of earlier compromises—a look here, a video there, an inappropriate text here, a conversation there. Oak trees were once acorns.
Jesus explained that it all begins in the heart. Here are his exact words:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell” (Matthew 5:27-30)
I realize that for some people this is not an easy thing to do. That’s why we need to ask God for help. We can also take practical steps to change our habits and our thinking.
I was fortunate to interview Sathiya Sam on my podcast. He helps men break the cycle of pornography addiction. He says: “The greatest void in men’s health is emotional self-awareness.”[ii] Quite often, a man’s recurring use of pornography is related to deeper unaddressed issues. I’ll link to his helpful recovery program in the footnotes.[iii] Toward the end of his book he says: “With heaven on your side and a proven system, it is hard to not get the results you want.”[iv] That’s very good news. God has called us to be men of faithfulness and honour. It is possible.
Ask God to give you eyes and a heart for your wife alone.
Prayer 3 – “Lord, make me an example of Christ’s grace and truth to my kids”
This third prayer applies to those married men who have children.
Again, our culture is very confused. Our job as Christian husbands, and as Christian dads, is not to ensure our kids never deal with difficulty or stress. Nor is it to ensure they are always healthy and happy—although, of course, those are very good things. I want them for my own children as well. Nor is our primary job to ensure they have every sporting opportunity known to man, or to be the most popular kid on the block.
The point of life is to know and serve God, to glorify him, and to be Jesus’ people of grace and truth in the world. Our children were made on purpose and for a purpose. What a dark and horrific tragedy it would be if our kids had a “fun time” while on earth but ended up in the eternal flames, in part because we prioritized the wrong things. Brothers, life is a battleground, not a playground.
I know, I know, that sounds like a lot of pressure. And you’re right: only God has the power to author the faith and eternity of our kids. I’m simply trying to get your attention. The point is that your teaching and your example matters. They need to be deliberate. As Paul reminds us in Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
As the saying goes, we need to keep the main thing the main thing. God’s people preserve God’s priorities. And yes, I like having fun, playing games, and watching some movies as much as the next guy. But life isn’t only about those things.
Although we are all imperfect, we are trying to be an example of God’s grace in how we follow Christ, respect and help others, model generosity, and forgive. We are also called to teach truth, demonstrating by our example what it means to live confidently and courageously upon that truth. Anything else is a compromise that leads off the narrow path and possibly into a ditch with flames at the bottom.
Again, yes, trying to get your attention.
Let me recap.
Our world is messed up when it comes to what it means to be a husband and dad. This confusion can seep into our thinking, even as Christian men. Let’s not endorse the deceptions.
Prayer 1 – “Lord, make me a godly man”
Prayer 2 – “Lord, give me eyes and a heart for my wife alone”
Prayer 3 – “Lord, make me an example of Christ’s grace and truth to my kids”
There, I’ve said it. Perhaps you will want to say it too.
All these things we pray in the name of King Jesus, Amen.
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[i] J. Heinrich Arnold, Freedom from Sinful Thoughts (Walden: Plough Publishing House, 1997), 5.
[ii] Sathiya Sam, The Last Relapse (SGM Publishing, 2022), 61.
[iii] Sam’s book is called “The Last Relapse.” Visit his website here for resources and to learn more about his program and approach.
[iv] Sam, Last Relapse, 242.
Thoughts?